When I was 9 years old, I wanted to do ballet. I don’t know why. That’s not a question that is relevant at that age. When I ask my 4 year old why she wants something, her reply is mostly: ‘Because I want to’.
And that might be the most inspiring answer ever. Wanting something because you want to. Not because it has a purpose, because it is expected of you, because you are supposed to… just because you want to.
Either way, back to my story. I wanted to do ballet and went to ask my mom. She told me that I should have started at 6 and that I was already too old. I don’t know why she said that or why she believed that to be true but I was sweet enough to not go against her at that time.
So I chose horse riding instead, which was totally awesome and I was a passionate equestrian until the age of 18. No regrets whatsoever. Nonetheless, all those years dancing kept calling me.
When I watched a video clip on MTV, I could reproduce the movements moments after. When I danced in a club, people came to compliment me on my skills, although I never took any class. Every time when I watched dance programs on TV, I could predict who was going to get a high score by the hairs on my arms standing up and the shivers down my spine. Dancing could move me to tears, so deeply something in me was connected to dancing.
After a few consciousness trainings, I experienced myself less and less compromising. I started ‘reviewing’ the I that I thought I was and wondered: who is the I that dances? I decided to not longer withhold myself from engaging in something I wanted because I felt like it. Especially not when it was something which had been resonating with me for such a long time.
Yesterday evening, age 38, I finally took that first ballet class. It did not feel as my first time, it felt natural. As if my body already knew and had craved experiencing the movements. I don't know whether I am going to continue. I might register for a series of 10 lessons and go from there. The question ‘what now’ does not seem relevant for me any longer.
What is more important is that I allowed myself to experience something I had thought of for a very long time. And now it gives peace of mind and a sense of pride that I did it.
So if there is any question you might want to ask yourself this month, in which trillions of children make a new start, I would suggest: What could you give yourself permission for?
And a warm invitation from my side to share what you decided and how it was. ..