In times of loss, we feel like being on a rollercoaster. As if the ground beneath our feet is no longer there...
Consciously going through a mourning process however, can be one of the most beautiful and humbling experiences to go through in life.
Five tips to support you in conscious completion:
Move like water
A mourning process when manipulated in any way, gets more difficult. Allow yourself to move through it like water, whatever gets thrown at you. When emotions come, allow them without any judgment. There may be sadness, but also frustration, rage, a feeling of desperation or hopelessness, ... Welcome everything that unfolds and experience every feeling without restriction. When emotions shift from one to another, allow them and move with them.
In case you need support in that (either someone holding the space, either you need to ventilate or other…), ask for what you need and receive the support fully. You are not weak, you are not a victim. You are a human being in a process of letting go and integration. Mourning is natural and part of life.
Experience in totality
Consciously choose to step into the process, fearless and with full embrace. This is again applicable for all feelings. Support the process if needed with looking at pictures, playing related music, any other memories to the person you lost, in order to access and experience the full depth of your grief. Cry until you feel that there are no tears left..., then cry some more. When you feel anger, scream or punch it out against a pillow or a punching bag.
Drama only gets created when something is not accessed and integrated fully.
Space holding is key in a mourning process. Look for those who are willing to hold you from an empty space. When you feel someone wants to support you but is not able to hold the space for you, do not engage with them. Respectfully thank them for their offer and remain with your own needs.
It may be that they are still carrying hurt themselves that gets triggered, it may be that they have a pattern of feeding off of drama that they are not conscious about… When you allow that, it’s not about your process any longer and it will therefor not add to your completion. On the contrary, it might cause you to shift to a supportive energy for them, which would interfere with your personal process.
Tip: For those on the other side, wanting to support someone else but feeling that you are not fully able to, just be true in your communication. You can say something like: ‘I have no idea how to be there for you currently but if you feel that there is anything I can support you with, please do’
The one having the biggest impact of processes like these is actually our body, yet we tend to forget that so easily. It is always key to listen to your body but in times like these even more. You might be needing more sleep because of the emotional processing, attend to that need without questioning or apologizing. This is a time of slowing down your pace, so cut back as much as possible on stimulating stuff like coffee and sugars. Also do not escape/numb the process of your emotional body by suppressing feeling with any drugs, it being medicines or other. Again, it will only prolong the process...
Rather opt for nutritious and grounding food components that feed the soul as well as the stomach.
Bodywork is key. Book at least a one session appointment with a bodyworker that resonates with you, independent whether it is a massage therapist, a holistic physiotherapist or an energetic healer. This way the body gets supported to the maximum in going through the emotional and energetic release.
When you feel all emotions have been experienced and the process is coming to its completion, create a completion ritual of your own. This can be the burial itself but often this comes too fast after someone has passed away. You might need a bit more time to process and feel when is appropriate for you.
It may be writing a goodbye and thank you letter, it may be a song, it may be a photo collage, it may be a ceremony of some kind or even a combination of all these things. Just make sure that it is personal. It is a tribute to the unique relationship you had with this person.
When your process has been experienced fully in every step, you will experience an energy of gratitude and completion. You feel now that you can look back with love and appreciation towards having had the privilege of that person in your life. If not, it means that you have skipped/missed something and it is your responsibility to consciously look at what is incomplete and address it.